I’m always seeing posts by all the hip “kids” in relation to the federal government. Their hipsterfication of the government makes me wince and at the same time run through the ditty of the banana song in my head. Are you unaware of this banana song? It’s where you rhyme your name with mo and bo among other O sounding words that are, in fact, not words at all. Here’s an example with my name.
Sarah, Sarah bo barah banana fanna fo farah me my mo marah… SARAH!
You might have already known what the banana song was, but you might also be wondering what this has to do with our government. Just sub OTUS type nonsensical words for the words that are supposed to rhyme with your name.
The words in question are POTUS, FLOTUS, and SCOTUS. I realize that it is far easier to say (or tweet as I’m sure is the case) POTUS rather than President of the United States, however it takes about the same amount of effort to say or type POTUS as it does The President. No one’s making you say “…of the United States.”; you don’t even have to tack on “of America” either. FLOTUS is the First Lady and SCOTUS is the Supreme Court, in case you were wondering.
Also, why stop with merely POTUS and FLOTUS when you can say BO POTUS and MO FLOTUS while you’re at it. Go ahead. Go to Google and type either of those in, you’ll get either Barack or Michelle. I swear! If you’re not jiving with this new lingo I’ll break it down for you. BO POTUS = Barak Obama, The President of the United States. MO FLOTUS = Michelle Obama, The First Lady of the United States. And now we have a complete banana song for the United States Government.
Sarah, Sarah BO POTUS, banana rama so SCOTUS, me my MO FLOTUS… what the hell have we done?
As I said, I’m sure this was created as a direct result of Twitter, (hell, even President Obama’s Twitter account is @POTUS)… but I detest it. Not because it seems improper of disrespectful. I am a bit old school. I do believe one should say either President Obama or Mr. President and First Lady Obama or Mrs. President. I also believe one should do this whether they like the current president or not. I think if you suddenly don’t do it for one president you’re simply being petulant.
During Lil’ Bush’s presidency, ya know George W., Republicans would proudly say Mr. President or President Bush, but now they don’t afford that title towards President Obama. The Democrats wouldn’t afford this title for Lil’ Bush, but proudly proclaim it for Barack Obama. Y’all, they are both the President, whether you voted for or agree with them or not. Either always use President so and so/Mr. President… or don’t. I say Lil’ Bush because there was a cartoon based on his presidency and The Sister and I actually like that nickname. But, when he was president, I would, out and about in the world, say his proper titles.
Anyways, I don’t really care, I just hate the wishy-washiness of it, and I also rather enjoy saying President so and so… so I do. So, I’m not worried that these new acronyms are disrespectful, no not at all. I just find them to be tacky and stupid. I do not like the way any of them sound. Not to mention it does sort of make a mockery of them, because they’ve now become the new banana song. Or is it just me that can hear that?
The Sister is constantly telling me that it’s German, which therefore I should like it. I realize that it’s German, as in kiosks are very big there. Basically in Germany a kiosk is the equivalent of the news stand found here in America, though they have expanded to be just about any stand alone thing like a food cart or something. Over here, kiosk are rather different. They are mainly self-contained electronic units where you can either pay your bill in store, purchase stamps, purchase tickets, mail off packages, etc. Things like that. They’re pretty much a one item only type of deal. They are a huge thing now and just about anything that can be referred to as a kiosk, is. Though never news stands, which is weird. But, I don’t like the sound of the word. Not one bit. It’s too E heavy for me. Makes me feel like nails are being scraped down a chalkboard.
This word was fine, until the design industry started over using it in the line “a pop of colour.” Now everything adds or lends a “pop of colour.” This back splash, this paint colour, that pillow, this plant, that little kids pigtails, that cat on the bed, that mound of dirt. It’s just gotten ridiculous, so now I don’t like the word anymore.
This word is similar to pop in its overuse, but instead of a single statement people just like to tack it onto other things. Craft beer, craft cheeses, craft yoga, craft tattoos, craft coffee roast, craft unicorn farts, craft kitten fur, etc. I don’t think these people know what they’re actually saying half the time. Hint: They’re saying nonsense. Plain jibberish!
Haunted or Rare:
These go hand in hand in the online listing universe. People felt that in order to garner business for their listed item they needed to jazz it up. And they did that, in the most ridiculous way possible. I generally see both of these words in the same listing title. Not the tags, but the actual title. It is not uncommon for me to run across a title that should say, “Vintage Steamer Trunk”, but instead reads, “Vintage Antique Super Rare Haunted Steamer Trunk Old Estate Spooky Hollywood Marilyn Monroe.”
Beside the fact that none of that is true beyond the fact that it’s an old steamer trunk, all of those words have absolutely no place in a listing title and it grates on my nerves something terrible.
“I could get a gajillion dollars for this on Ebay!”
Which leads me to the death of the classic yard sale. I couldn’t tell you how many yard sales in just the past five years where this has been an issue. The sellers have scoured Ebay, found their item that is listed at a ridiculous price and done one of two things; neither of which is the logical thing. They have either printed off the listing, showing the photo of the item with the price, and taped it to said item or they will vocally inform you how much money they could get if they sold it on Ebay.
There’s several things wrong with this. These people don’t understand the difference between a yard or garage sale vs an estate sale vs online selling. Yard or garage sales are a place where you can score items for very little money. I’m talking anywhere between ten cents to twenty dollars. An estate sale generally has finer pieces for sale, like mid-century items or antique and vintage wares. Non important things such as books and records should still remain under two dollars. Though I’ve seen people abuse this and mark junk up really high, like something from the 1980s that’s not worth anything and they have it priced at $50. I’m talking things like wind breakers or truckers hats or something. Things that should only be 10 cents to five dollars.
Selling online is because you wish to reach a wider audience. Also Ebay is known for crap. An item from 1945 isn’t necessarily worth squat. It depends on what you have. Just because someone on Ebay has the same thing that you have and it is selling for two hundred dollars doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean it’s worth that and it doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone will actually purchase it. The Sister and I enjoy researching older things. It has to truly be rare or is something that people are hopping mad to collect at the moment. Saying something is rare means nothing. We have seen items from the forties that were mass-produced and can easily be found, yet the listing states it as rare and they want a small fortune for it, where in reality it is only worth ten dollars at best.
The second is that if you actually believe what Ebay listings are telling you, then fucking sale your item on Ebay! Your po-dunk yard sale with 25 cent books and 50 cent coats and a ten-dollar sofa is no place for this $500 dollar item, that, by the way, is only worth $45, and that’s in excellent condition… which yours isn’t. It just burns me up to no end because these people are ruining the establishment of the yard sale. I’ll go to one and practically anything I want to touch I’m hearing the words, “Oh that’s (insert ridiculously high price) because that’s how much it is on Ebay.” and these people aren’t selling anything and I’m not going to people’s yard sales anymore really because of this mess.
This is a southernized conjunction word for you + all. It is equivalent to terms such as you guys that is used in the north. In standard English it is always just you; singular and plural. I give allowances for non southerners if they misspell y’all; putting no apostrophe at all or placing the apostrophe incorrectly as in ya’ll.
However, even though it is not proper English, the conjunction does make sense, if you know how to use conjunctions. We are. In conjunction form it is we’re, because you’re combining two words. You would never use wer’e or w’ere. Y’all is You All, so it makes sense that the apostrophe from you all to yall would be placed between the Y and the A.
What bothers me is that southerners themselves don’t even know how to use their own terminology, much less spell it correctly. I have heard plenty of people use y’all for one person. At least half the population are typing ya’ll. So, this group is using y’all singularly and all y’all for any group over one. But it’s incorrect, and as one of my favourite southern speaks, it bothers me when it’s used incorrectly.
Check the chart above. Always make sure your apostrophe is between the Y and the A. You is one person. Y’all is used for two people (in some cases three people is OK). All Y’all is used for groups of three or more. End of discussion.
Go ahead and type caving in to your search engine. I’ll wait. The very first thing that pops up is the definition. Did you see it? “Caving — also traditionally known as spelunking in the United States and Canada… exploring wild caves…” Type in spelunking and it gives you the same thing. The term caving has completely overtaken the term spelunking.
If either of those words are confusing to you, it is the exploration of caves. Not when you pay money to wander through an already explored cave with a tour guide, like Mammoth Caves in Kentucky. It is one that the general population is now allowed into, people haven’t set it up as a tourist attraction, people don’t go… except for people going in there to map it out and see what’s there.
To me, the term caving dumbs down the entire thing. It’s like people couldn’t wrap their heads around the official term of spelunking, so instead of having people actually learn what that word meant, how to spell it, or how to say it, people just dumbed it down for the masses. Perhaps this is not how this actually went about, but that’s exactly what it seems like. Plus, I don’t like the way that it sounds. The term Cave Exploration, which a lot of people are using, doesn’t bother me, but caving does. Stop using it. It sounds stupid. If you’re one that can’t get on board with the term spelunking, then at least start calling it potholing, as is what the people of the UK call it. That sounds better than caving as well.
This gets overused and also I just don’t like the term. Not that I like all things natural wood, crumbling paint, stone work, etc. But really it’s just a nice way to say Poverty Chic, (though I don’t want this to be a term either) in my opinion. And it’s such a huge genre of design. Some people like the “rustic charm” of red and white check gingham with chicken art and all wood. To me it looks very country, rural, and something a Baptist in the south would decorate their house, because this is pretty much what I see from southern Baptist homes, mainly the older people.
Then there’s stone work and peeled paint of France. That’s a completely different look of broken down, yet refined and yet it is also referred to as rustic charm. I think I just don’t like this because an antique shanty shack or an outhouse is considered rustic charm and it just negates the beauty of old France or a log cabin, because they’re the same as an old toilet. It’s kind of a slap in the face, if you call everything this title.
The Shabby Chic of Barn Doors:
Which leads me into this section. How the entire newish design trend is to distress all of the furniture so that it looks old, and to add barn doors on sliding tracks in the home. Not that I’m an over the moon fan of layers, but when people redo an older building and come away with different layers of paint, plaster and bricks and just preserve it in its derelict state, well it can be quite charming, I suppose because it is all original and old. But to purposefully make some new piece of expensive furniture old by distressing it seems ridiculous.
This type of furniture look, I know, is a simple every day thing in France. Their furniture is so old and they don’t continually work at in order to keep it pristine. Their Persian carpets are faded, their chairs have paint or gold gilt coming off. I believe that Americans trying to capture the look of interior Provence pretty much spun out to be this style design of Shabby Chic.
However, there is a difference in an authentic nice piece of furniture that looks old, but still elegant vs the “rustic charm” of the tin chicken feeder as a planter or the side table that one paints sky blue and then sandpapers it to death to make it look old. It’s not the same thing, the latter is not a classy look at all. One could always purchase an old piece, but it seems that they always purchase the least classiest piece, that has peeling paint.
Honestly, it breaks down like this. derelict layers looks very artsy, and generally they are artsy types of people leaving walls in this form of state. The original French look exudes an air of we have had this piece for four hundred years. It is old, but it is still a very fine piece, and we have money, but we’re laid back and not fussy about it. The last however, makes it seem like really dirt poor people just scrabbled whatever they could find from their old barns to fill their homes and most paint it light pink or blue because that will make the poverty pretty somehow? I can see how a small portion of this shabby chic design element can work, but that’s only on telly shows. People in the real world over do it and it doesn’t work.
I also understand the esthetiques of pocket doors, but also understand that it cost more money to install that vs a door on a sliding track on your wall instead of inside of it. I have seen this done well, in magazines, telly shows, and out in the wild. However, most of the time it just looks like I’m going to be attending a barn dance, as they really are too big for the space or look too primitive in an otherwise un-primitive space. Watched a show recently and I’ve come to see that barn type doors, overall, really only work if you are living in an actual barn. The huge space, the high ceilings, that type of door just seems to work better there.
This is not necessarily something that I don’t like, but just an odd thing that I do, that I have found others do not like. I like language. I like the way it sounds and flows. I like using proper terminology, not because I feel that I’m better than others, but simply because I like the sound.
I’ve entitled this section Jaymess, for a very specific reason. The colonial settlement of Jamestown, Virginia. That’s what’s pictured above. That is the church that they are continually excavating in and around. My family took our spring break trip here when I was seventeen. It is where I learned that during the time, James was not said the way that most people think, as Jayms, but rather Jaymess. I loved that. I loved the way it sounded. Ever since I have referred to anything Jamestown related as Jaymesstown, including one of the streets in my city, as well as the colonial settlement. I don’t call people who are named James, Jaymess, though.
This far extends the term of Jaymess, though. I like to pronounce the major city in France, Pahree or Pahreees, which are the French and the German pronunciations. Just because I like the way they sound over Pairisss.
If I hear someone say something in its original form, and I like it, I will use it. It could be something as trivial as Tempura. As in the Japanese dish of fried vegetables or meat in tempura batter. Most Americans say Tem pure uh or Tem poo ruh. The Japanese ladies are always saying it quickly, as in Temprah. I really liked the way it sounded, so now if I order that, I say it the way that they do.
I could also not tell you how many times other Americans make fun of me for these quirks of mine, languagely speaking. They roll their eyes, or ask why I gotta fancy something up. Because it makes me happy to hear it said these certain ways. You don’t have to do it, but I must.
I will always vary between regional and original dialects for certain cities. We’ll take Gautier for instance. It is a city in coastal Mississippi. Originally in the French it would be pronounced Goh teeyeh, in southern however it is pronounced as go shay. I will switch between the two, because I adore the original French, but also respect the local pronunciation.
The Old Cut & Switch:
I was taught, as most people in the states were, to eat in a really crazy manner. You place your fork into your left hand and the knife in the right, cut your food, then switch utensils. You lay the knife back down in its appropriate position and then take your fork up into your right hand to eat. You cut with the fork facing down and eat with the fork facing up.
The other half of the nation, it seems, were taught in a less fancy way; where you simply hold your fork not with your thumb and fingers, but with your whole hand. Think of some black and white film where poor kids are holding their spoons to shovel the gruel into their mouths. I don’t like this way either, for me. I have no problem with people holding their utensils in this way, it just doesn’t fit with me; who I am, what feels right to me.
I never, ever liked this. Apparently the English in the 18th century at this way, and we still eat like this. However, I would watch a lot of British shows and liked basically how they were eating, which is updated to how they once ate. I still don’t do it European correctly, as it were, but the switch is all gone. I keep my fork in my right hand and cut with my left. The fork is down for cutting as well as for eating, except in instances for things like rice which can’t be forked to death, but must be scooped.
I have been mocked for eating to prissily, but I like it. It’s easy, it makes me happy, I’m not trying to seem sophisticated, it just works for me, so I utilize it.
Variety… it’s not all it’s cracked up to be:
While we’re on the subject of food and things that I like I’ll talk about my diet. Yes, I eat lots of different types of foods. I eat fruits and vegetables and get plenty of water, but I am a rather picky eater. I also have a habit of consuming mainly the same thing day in and day out until I get tired of it.
The first instance of this that I can recall was when I was a child. For four straight years, if we ate out somewhere I would only ever order chicken fingers. I hear that kids stick to things for a bit, but not nearly on the scale of my chicken finger conquest as a child. It was frustrating for my parents. I’d have snacks of fruit and I would eat vegetables other than potatoes with my meat, but it was 98% of the time chicken fingers that I was consuming on a day-to-day basis.
These days I might still order chicken fingers if we go out somewhere, but we rarely go out to eat. My food routine in the house has become so predictable that The Sister, as well as my mother will tell me that I’m about to turn into whatever I’m eating at the moment.
These things include pepperoni pizza rolls (which I dip in ranch dressing), grilled cheese sandwiches, ham sandwiches with mayo and mustard, and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. They never tell me that I’m going to turn into roasted brussels sprouts or roasted broccoli, though I eat a lot of that when we have it in the house.
I was even going through an egg period, where I’d have some sort of egg every single day for months. Scrambled eggs, scrambled with cheese, scrambled with mushrooms or spinach or squash; fried, fried on a sandwich, fried on an English muffin, with avocado. No one said I was going to turn into an egg, but they sure like to mention how I’m going to turn into a ham sandwich or a pizza roll.