This man vs bear thing is going around & honestly I was unhip to what it was about. I had an inkling of a general idea when I saw something pitting the bears against serial killers, but it wasn’t until someone mentioned “women’s safety” as the thing in question did I go & read up on what it meant.
So, I’m either gettin’ my Guy Card today in the mail, or I’m just too straight (not gay, but straight to the point, too narrow minded on hypothetical things, ya dig? Taking things too literally, had to see that term today to remember that’s what it was called.), or something that makes me not think like the women camp.
There was some dude on TikTok saying what it was all about – that it was hypothetical & that men don’t respect women’s choices or our ability to reject you (as a man). “That is the point” this guy stated forcefully. But, can I trust him? I mean, isn’t this really a hypothetical debate thing created by WOMEN? So, does he have “the point”? Or did he just interpret his own point?
I also realize no woman really wants a showdown in the woods with a random bear, so I get that it’s hypothetical, however…
In my mind I have to think about which scenario I’d likely come out winning. It’s just how I’m wired up apparently. And it’s not against a bear.
There were women saying what if the bear was friendly, or with a bear you know their intentions unlike with a man.
That to me is bullshit. Men & bears are the same on a very basic level. That bear is never “friendly”. You can never assume that. Some of the women quoted you would think were going to be hanging out with Paddington or Winnie The Pooh. Yeah, I’m ALL for that, but that’s not bears!
It will either rear up on its hind legs & roar & then get back down & waddle away… or it will do this & then swipe at you & maul. There’s also two sides to men. They either sidle up & say, “Hey girl…” & then leave… or they start stabbing. It’s the same thing really.
Remember that I said basic levels. Don’t fight me on this. Men are bears. Bears are men. Both have the ability to not fuck with you & just leave you alone & both have the ability to end you (no matter what scenario we’re talkin’). They can both hit & yell. However, even the strongest average man (I’m not talkin’ the super buff guy that literally wrestles bears) is no match for a fucking bear, as bears have super human strength & speed & climbing capabilities, y’all.
You have just as much knowledge, prior, to how that bear or man will react. End of discussion. Either one, you might not be able to reason with (I mean you can’t reason with a bear & it’s a coin toss whether you can reason with the man, so your odds should be that you can’t & have it be a Christmas Miracle if you could).
Every single damn bear has super human strength & inhuman capabilities… unlike 95% of human males. It’s not to say that men aren’t & can’t be strong or even much stronger than you, but it’s not nearly as amped up as a bear.
Plus, I saw that video of the hunter hanging out in a tree stand when that juvenile black bear shimmied up it so fast. So fast! Men can not do that. (Thank the fucking gods there!) If they did, you’d be wondering what the hell spider demon was ridin’ their meat suit. It’s also very doubtful that that man in the woods is well-equipped with tree climbing gear. Even if he was, he wouldn’t shimmy up it like it was a fast moving elevator.
You may or may not can outrun a man. You may or may not can climb a tree & escape a man. You can never outrun or escape from a bear.
There are girls saying that if they were attacked by a bear in the woods, they’d make it out & people would believe them & give them sympathy… unlike an attack from a man.
OK, there’s several things here. Yes, I totally get the not being believed about an attack from a man & I’m not denying that & yes, while there are survivors from bear (& shark) attacks, it’s not like you’re guaranteed survival, which is how the statements are being made, like these woman think everyone survives. It’s not stated that IF she walks outta the woods, but WHEN.
Not that my experience is the same as others, but I wasn’t believed (in a rape… not a bear attack) & I was also alone, as in I had no sympathy or support. Which to me, support seems way more palatable than sympathy. I never want people to feel sorry for me, I don’t care what scenario we’re talkin’.
And really, fuck ’em. I know what happened. I know I’m not crazy. It’s good enough for me. If people believe me, fine. If they don’t, who cares. I could live my entire life wallowin’ in that event or what followed, but I just don’t have fucking time for that. I have better things to do with my time than to gain sympathy, see that asshole in jail, or whatever. I’ve got cats to cuddle & yes, I’d rather be writing this blog post than fighting for my own justice.
Pick your battles man, & that one wasn’t it for me. I love myself & care, but it just didn’t seem life threateningly important. If I don’t take care of my cats, neglect them & stop feeding them & they die, that’s way more important to me, to not have that happen. I’d rather my energies go there. Keeping them happy & healthy.
The only issue I would have is possible prison time. If I had to fight a man & then the cops didn’t believe me & I’d be hauled off to jail, THEN we’d have a problem. And I’m also not the gal who wants to go to prison. I mean, that is a huge fear of mine. I’d rather kill everyone trying to keep me from freedom & make a run for it & hope for the best than to say, “OK, fine… perhaps the justice system will work for me.” No way, man!
Which leads me to my final point. I’m thinking most girls shiver & shake at the thought of having to take down some guy. I know there have to be girls out there like me, but I’ve yet to meet y’all.
I am definitely the gal who thinks she can take just about anyone… if I had to. I’m not lookin’ for fights & I’m not an angry person, but I think I could take anyone. This might get me killed one day, the day I’m pitted against some dude & I square off for the fight & don’t make it through.
However, I certainly do feel like there is a fighting chance there. I feel like there is a high probability I could injure, maim, or kill my attacker.
Not with a bear. I can’t take on a bear & hope to survive. Plus, I like animals so I wouldn’t want to maim or kill the bear… even to survive. Like I might, if push came to shove, but I’d sob the entire time. Probably. Man? I’d have absolutely no problem with that. And not to seem sexist, I’d feel this way about a woman too, but I don’t have many women bowin’ up at me or being all creepsterish. But I wouldn’t exclude y’all.
But really, did no one watch The X-Files? Trust NO ONE. I’m not sayin’ to live your life in fear, or to always expect that everyone is evil or out to do you wrong, but I mean, constant vigilance, man. Don’t assume that people are nice or can’t turn on a dime. You don’t have to be walled in like The Forbidden City, but have some sort of guard up. Think that all possibilities are possible at any given moment. It’s helped me survive for almost 44 years, so it can’t be too bad of a philosophy, right?
I want to say that watching The Silence of The Lambs at age ten helped me be vigilant, but I think I was born with this. I remember watching that scene in the beginning where we don’t know that this guy is Buffalo Bill & a serial killer. We just think he might be up to no good, but he could just be some injured dude & not up to no good, the way they’re playin’ out the scene.
For one, I don’t want to pick up couches as they’re heavy & I don’t have time for that, I don’t care if the guy is in a cast or not (but then I did already, by this time, know about Ted Bundy & his girl lurin’ tactics), but that would be a definite no from me.
However, if I got this far & the guy said for me to get in the truck first, I would not & it’s not this film. I distinctly remember my eyes going big & thinking that was the worst possible thing she could ever do. ‘No possible means of escape should she need… oh look she needed to escape. I knew she shouldn’t have done that.’
I’m not sayin’ that people should be like me & hell, I don’t even know if y’all are out there, but my mind can’t help going to possible escape scenarios. Which one would I survive? I’ve given these a lot of thought. It’s not to say that I could take a man & survive, but I do feel I have a fucking fighting chance in that department.
So, I’m choosing the man over the bear. But really, for most of y’all I’d rather have a root canal without pain meds or be abducted by aliens. And aliens scare me, because where’s the escape there? Open a fucking door in to space? But while I find aliens scarier than human men, I could possibly take them out & figure out how to fly the ship & chart a coarse home, or keep one hostage to help me get home.
Can’t do that with a bear.
And to add. This morning I watched some video about animal speeds. I generally never click on them to hear sound, but partway through I did. The music playing was Thunderstruck by AC/DC. OK… ‘Did an Australian come up with this video…?’, which did make me laugh…
Doesn’t matter about the music or my thoughts on that portion. It was that MAN can run UP TO 27 MPH. That wasn’t even your average man but a trained sprinter with legs up to the freakin’ moon.
Any average BEAR can hit sustained speeds of 30 – 40 MPH.
I laughed when I came across this by trying to figure out the numbers again (depends on the source as the numbers range for bears up to 45 MPH, but I just generalized up to 40), because I didn’t highlight that.
Lil’ Small had her own thoughts on this yesterday. I had already asked about the Man vs Bear thing & she didn’t know & we both stumbled on things yesterday. Only she’s totally in woman camp on the logistics.
“You could kick a man in the balls…”
“Exactly! But you can not do this with a bear, so bears are still more dangerous.”
“A bear won’t rape you & then kill you.”
“True, but while a bear won’t rape you at all, some men will kill you and THEN rape you, but a bear might rip your dead body apart, so kind of the same… corpse desecration.”
It’s like I’m just playing Devil’s Advocate, but I’m not wrong. I wasn’t worried about the potential outcome of (rape or murder) with either a bear or a man. I was more worried about who I’d have a fucking fighting chance with. If I had to meet a nefarious man or a bear, who could I possibly hope to win against. It’s not the bear, y’all. It’d never be the bear.
There really is not amount of evasive maneuvers or tricks one can utilize with a bear. You can’t possibly hope to outrun them or escape. You can’t bite, kick, punch, slap, stab, etc. because you’ll just anger it & not subdue it. You’d even be hard pressed to shoot it should you happen to have a gun.
Also, while I stated above about me fighting off some dude & being hauled off to jail because I wasn’t believed, Lil’ Small stated it’s not illegal to kill a bear. But it is. There are states & areas where if you did end up killing that bear, you could get slapped with prison time. Even if it’s legal in that area, if you don’t have a permit, you could end up in jail. And the only way to take accurately take down a bear really is a with a high caliber weapon (that you can accurately aim – I realize any gun really can take down a bear & bow hunting but how many generalized ladies can hit it with a .22 pistol? I couldn’t & I know how to shoot, so just bear with me here.) & if you have that on you, it’ll be assumed that you were poaching. Huge federal deal.
“No officer. Honest. I was just frolicking in the woods picking wildflowers, escaping from men, but when I saw that bear, I just pulled this 30-30 from my bodice & shot it dead in the head. Heehee.”
That’s not how that works.
Bears are scary. They just are. It’s scary enough to have someone prowling around your home or checking door knobs (as I’ve been in that situation), but it’s scarier to have a huge mama black bear & her cubs prowling around, knocking down garbage bins & trying to claw their way into the windows.
Even my dad was scared in that situation. We were in a cabin in the mountains in Tennessee. Because he also knew that looking around there was nothing on hand to use in a hand fight off against a mama black bear & her babies. If they’d gotten into the house, we’d all be dead.
A man? You could look around & pretty much anything around you is a weapon. They can’t smell you (as men don’t have super human smelling abilities… unlike bears), you have tactical defenses of hiding or charging or knocking their feet out from underneath them or hitting them over the head with a cast iron skillet, etc. Can’t do any of that with a bear. You can’t run upstairs & barricade yourself behind a door & recollect. That bear will charge up the stairs & in through that door WAY quicker than just a man.
But even Lil’ Small mocked me for thinkin’ I could take on a man. Apparently she is like other women & think that it’s hopeless. But it isn’t. Maybe you’ll die, but there is actual HOPE that you COULD make it out alive. You’re fuck outta luck with a bear, man. All hope dies once they see or smell you & only a Christmas Miracle could get you outta that alive.
And it’s not like I’m some man hater & I’m not necessarily driven to always win, like at board games or in the workplace, but when push comes to shove & I’m in danger I WILL win. Or die trying. I won’t let whoever it is (male or female) get the better of me. That will rise up in me & I suddenly throw caution to the wind & no longer care. Because it is survival of the fittest & I’ll be damned if anyone can out best me.
Do I wanna win against a bear (or a tiger or a mountain lion or alligator)? Fuck no. I don’t want to visit the places they live. I don’t want to be in that situation. Because survival would probably kick in & I’d try to survive, but I’d sob while hitting or stabbing or whatever to that animal.
I also don’t want to be in the situation of Me vs Man. And I generally try to avoid those too. I don’t walk down dark, deserted alleyways at night, even if would be the quickest way to my car, because I want to live to make it home & eat cookies. Not fighting to the death and also living to eat cookies are huge motivators for me.
I don’t drink when out & if I do it’s one drink because I need to keep my wits about me. Know where the exits are, monitor people. I feel like Strider in the beginning of The Lord of The Rings. I hang back, I constantly watch my surroundings, & only if push came to shove would I rise up, because what other choice would I have? I’m not gonna lay there & take it, which you pretty much just have to do if you’re being mauled by a bear.
Not that these can keep one safe, but I’ve not had to be in a fight to the death situation in my almost 44 years of life. Evasive maneuvers & constant vigilance are very helpful. Kept me from being abducted at age five. Kept me from being attacked by some crazy dude in New Orleans. Kept me from being sexual mauled at some party. Don’t engage. I repeat. Do not engage. Don’t go over to the dude in the 18 wheeler hollarin’ at you. Keep an eye out but ignore. It’s kept me from getting into a lot of sticky situations in the first place. Don’t keep your back to things.
Sure, it’s not way to live one might say, but I came this way. I didn’t learn it. It’s like I was trained this way before coming here in some past life. It just is me. I was trained to be the fragile girl who can’t do anything, but I never bought into that. At all. I don’t shiver like a leaf on a branch on a windy day, jumping at shadows, or keeping my keys tucked between my fingers. I live life, I just stay aware. I never assume someone will be nice or not harm me. Basically, people are simulations in a video game & having nothing important to offer me & could be potential danger… until they prove otherwise.
I’m not on guard, but I don’t live in some fantasy world where I can just frolic around town naked & watching imaginary butterflies & end up being all right at the end of the day. I may dress like a hooker sometimes, but I’m all man inside. In my soul. I will eat a motherfucker for breakfast if they push me too far. I’m not delicate, though I’m short & can’t reach things on high shelves.
But it probably won’t keep you from being raped or not believed. It’s a sad fact of life & I wish it wasn’t, but all my efforts may have kept me from being abducted or raped at gunpoint in a parking lot, or mugged or assaulted or whatever, but a fat lotta good it did for me to be asleep in my own bed & some girl that mom let stay over, opening the door to the drunk guy I knew (who assumed I was a fucking free-for-all) at two in the morning & saying, “Sure!” when he asked to go up to my bedroom.
I can’t not be the lone military girl in the film full of men in the military (ya know, like Pvt Vasquez from Aliens or any other film with similar character choices). Short but tough, chewin’ on bullets for breakfast. I like to wear skirts & paint my toenails & do my hair, but it’s not who I am completely. A lot of people see my façade & underestimate me, thinking I’m simple or fragile. I’m far from it. And I’d rather be left alone, like the bear, but you bring out my inner beast and it is over. I really do believe that.
I’m still stickin’ with men over bears as who I’d have a fighting chance with. Unless we’re talking Paddington, then I’ll hang out with him all day & we’ll make marmalade from scratch & just get into shenanigans.
Alien Tea Shoppe 