I find I think about this a lot, how men male energy really does make life worth living. But then that might only be because I find myself in that headspace more often then in Girl Land. I’m thinkin’ there aren’t a lot of ladies thinkin’ this way about men. In fact, most of the time I don’t understand where gals are comin’ from in regards to the fella’s.
This post is rambling & I think I’m funny, but whatever. Let’s get on with it, right?
She’s not really wrong. I would dress sluttier if men weren’t around. I imagine a world where most women would be walking around in butt cheek revealing skirts & one of two breasts hanging out. We’re pushing shopping buggies, deciding on soap, going about our business. Almost like Amazonian women just shopping in Target.
But I like the true, chaotic, male energy. I think we need that in the world. I’m reminded of the little kid soccer game where it was nothing but chaos. Little four & five year old boys running around all amok, some watching imaginary butterflies, some running free, some sleeping on the field. It wasn’t a game at all, but pure & happy chaos. Girls aren’t like this.
I feel like the world would be very boring without guys in it. Women are too calm & calculating. Even when the cute guy walks by, they take him in like a cool drink & then silently giggle with their friends. They don’t go, “Awww, man!!” all loud & then run after her & try anything to get her attention. They don’t bat eyelashes or giggle in their own little sphere, hoping she’ll look his way. There is not the chaotic energy of pursuit.
It’s like birds in the wild. Building their fancy stick house, spreading their feathers & doing some crazy dance, or hootin’ & hollarin’ their song of love.
Even like-bodied people in sports isn’t fun to watch. It’s why I don’t really watch sports. Ya know, where they pair similarly aged/weighted people together to duke it out in hockey or football or soccer or whatever. No. You have a game of teenage boys versus forty-something year old women & I will watch the hell outta that. Or twelve year old girls versus thirty-something year old men. Sign me up!
“But they’ll get hurt! They’re unmatched, it’s why it isn’t done!”
Blahblahblah. I’m not saying put the little girls in a boxing ring with men. It’s just field hockey or soccer or basketball or something. Hell, even baseball. Can you imagine the team huddles?
“OK, men, listen up. We gotta keep our wits about us. That one, she seems to watch imaginary butterflies, so take the ball from her. That one though, she seems sketchy, lets just steer clear of her.”
“We’ll eat them alive! Girls you with me?!?!” And a chilling unison scream goes up from the little girl huddle, making the men take a few steps back.
This would be WAY more interesting to watch than all little children who can’t play or full grown men fighting over a ball. I’m not wrong.
And speaking of chaotic male energy, this might be why I like it. Since, ya know… that’s just where my brain goes. It just came up because I don’t know who this guy is & I’ve never seen Sharknado (not because I’m against it, it just never happened). It was the “Mini-Bike Gang” bit that made me scroll back up & read that again.
I’m sure they meant three or four full grown men on motorcycles, but all I could think was about seven or eight 10 year old boys on bicycles. Mini in stature, not group size, ya dig? And my mind ran with that.
One kid still has training wheels because he was too lazy to take ’em off & teeter totters menacingly between each training wheel while runnin’ this guy down. Another kids’ bike has a flower basket attached the the front because he had to steal his little sisters bike for the day. Another one has to wrap this up quick because he has a multiplication test to study for. They’re all armed with random boy objects. Pebbles, a slinky, some GI Joes with missile action, perhaps some Transformers, even.
Man, it’s amazing this guy survived the assault. Hahah.
This, of course, made me laugh. I feel like I laugh at all the wrong things, but in such right ways. So, obviously they mean if you say these two sentences your man will want to commit to a relationship with you.
But that’s not where my mind is workin’ from. It’s like that fortune cookie thing, where you read the sentences add some ellipses & then add “in bed”. Only for me, this sentence ended with “to a mental institution”.
‘Maybe they just needed to say “…sentences that will make him want to commit”... haha, VIOLENT CRIMES!!’ & I laughed some more.
OK, I’m apparently a very detailed person. This sentence MUST read “These two sentences could make him want to commit TO YOU“ & then all the humor is gone & it really is all about relationships. *yawn*
I have been told, on numerous occasions, & sometimes by guys, that I’m in a weird headspace. But I’m not simply in some weird headspace. I was born with this headspace, that people deem to be too weird.
Or this image that came up one day. I cropped all the wording off, but it was something about vaginal health. And I feel the fourteen year old boy-ish aspect of me coulda gone either way. “Huh huh… vagina…”, but that’s rare. Or what it did do instead, “Yeah, lady. I hate to break it to ya, but that’s now how you put on underwear!” & then I did laugh.
But I do think half of the informative or sexy things that are trying to be cutting edge about it, just make me laugh. Like if it’s about a woman shaving her girl parts, they’ll show a naked lady from the waist to mid thigh, with an actual bush in front of her girl parts. It’s not lost on me, that our pubic hair is “a bush”, but all I can think is, “Ma’am… did you know you’re growing an actual bush? Yeah, no… that’s not what’s supposed to be down there.” & I laugh some more.
I do see my humor sometimes in random memes. Like the people lookin’ like they’re in love, about to make-out in a field. Or the lady wearing only her sexy lingerie in a field. “Do you want to get ticks, because that’s how you get ticks.” I never find these things romantic or sexy, because all I can think of are ALL of the bugs.
Saw this the other day & my mind immediately went rogue… as it does. Instead of thinking, “Ooh! Yeah, why is my man leavin’?” I thought, ‘Ooh disappearing? Like because of Big Foot? A Parallel Universe? Aliens? A portal to hell? Invisibility potion?!?! Man… I bet it won’t be nearly as interesting as that.’
I’d intended to skip it, but I went back & looked & I wasn’t wrong. Fear of commitment, emotional unavailability, conflicting priorities/goals, communications breakdown, personal insecurities/self-doubt, external pressures/stress, & finally mismatched expectations.
BORING…
This happens… a lot. I’m never on the same page as, what I’m assuming, is the rest of society/the world/women, but I really wouldn’t have it any other way honestly. My imagination is a lot more fun than real world “problems“.
Although, I will say that when I got to communications breakdown (& no, I didn’t bother reading about each section or how to combat them), my mind immediately thought field radios, like in Vietnam (or any other war since the dawn of the 20th century) that troops would use to communicate between each other, & they’re just not working. Which isn’t some fantastical highlight, but is a lot more entertaining to imagine than two boring people standing together in some living room refusing to speak to each other.
Picture them. Faces smeared with anti glare paint. One in the backyard & one in the living room & they’re cursing & frustrated because they’re speaking their needs into a field radio & either getting radio silence from their partner or else it’s like a game of telephone & the signal is so garbled that the other is radio-ing back things that don’t make sense.
Yeah, way more fun than a couple just arguing face to face in the living room & crossing their arms & acting like children.
I was reading this thing, How To Make A Man Fall Deeply In Love With You; 10 Tips He Won’t Resist, because I was bored. Which, incidentally, I clicked on the link because of the above words, which is not what I was lead to read.
You can click the link & give it a whirl, but honestly it feels like some 15 year old kid writing a paper for his high school English class or something. As always it wasn’t nearly as entertaining as I’d hoped it would be, however there were a few highlights there.
Critical Mass was mentioned, which had me laughing. “When their love feelings reach “Critical mass”, he’s fallen in love.” It’s all hands on deck for evacuation maneuvers, because he’s got the feels. Danger imminent, y’all. It’s over. She’s completely melted him. It’s a good feeling to make someone go critical, I guess.
Oddly specific hobbies were mentioned. Surfing, golfing, & driving. It was weird to mention hobbies, instead of just saying, “He’ll be into you if you’re passionate about a hobby” & leave it at that. No, no. They had to pull one’s that I’m assuming are written up in the Guy Manual that this person somehow got their hands on.
Basically the entire thing read as confusing. High-maintenance girls are the prettiest ones, but don’t be high-maintenance. Play hard to get, but don’t play hard to get. Be memorable, but not too memorable. Though you may want to dress & smell like a dumpster fire, try not to.
No, I know this! His ears prick up, his eyes bulge out, his heart (shaped exactly like a cartoon heart) starts beating so fast that it’s protruding from his chest. There is rapid food stamping & very excited howling.
Right? No? You don’t do this over a pretty girl? Not even internally? Because I’m pretty sure that’s correct.
Oh wait, it’s just that dapper looking wolf in the Wolf & Red cartoons? That is where my mind goes every single fucking time people mention men in love. I know most people would say not love, but lust. Whatever. Same thing. They (guys) like what they see in either case & doesn’t it end up the same way? They want to be in between those thighs & that woman (& all her sexy parts & nakedness) belongs to THEM alone. Sure it could be for one night or he could want a whole lifetime with that woman, but it’s the same end goal. I’m not wrong here… right?
“No, but it was romantic! He bought me diamonds!”
“And did you open your legs for him?”
“Well… yeah…”
“I rest my case.”
“I’m not that kinda man. I have deep feelings for her!”
“Yeah, but you wanna have sex with her don’t you?”
“Well, fuck yeah!”
“I rest my case.”
Plus while guys aren’t cartoon characters whose bodies can turn the laws of physics upside down, it’s not like they aren’t suddenly filled with all of this energy that would manifest itself this way physically… if it could.
So, this would be fucking HILARIOUS to see… if I was just an innocent bystander. Some guy wolfin’ out like a Tex Avery cartoon over some girl. Directed at me from some random dude, that’s a different story entirely.
“Fuck… where’s my .22? This one’s gone rabid.”
Some girl went to a frat party, got a little too drunk, & couldn’t find her keys. This sounds like start to an urban legend, but it was a story I read recently. Not at all the way you might think it’s going. She walked back to her apartment, slept it off, & went back the next day to look for them. They guys were all, “Yeah, OK, sure. Come on in”.
She couldn’t find ’em, though guys were sleepy & also half-way concerned (as much as they could be with being hungover), at least giving non-plussed answers of “Oh no… I haven’t seen ’em”. One guy was watching a show on dinosaurs or something & said she could sit & watch & asked her her favourite dinosaur. Another guy said he’d put it in the house chat. A key chain with a pink cat on it.
She was going to leave & like twenty boys came thundering down the halls towards her. “Hey girl! Girl wait! We found your keys!” (THERE’S the chaotic male energy right there, like five year olds just overly eager to help, not realizing that grown boys running down a girl can seem scary).
She was surrounded by very excited college boys. “Are these your keys?” They were. The guys gave up a shout of excitement & said they’d been happy to help & then went about their business.
While I can see why she was nervous, as she did state in her story, because fifteen or twenty men stampeding towards me would make me want to run for the hills, but I understand the flip-side. I also have this energy. Where my brain doesn’t think past complex scenarios to an end result. As in, me thundering towards someone, is this going to be scary for them? No. I was on a hunt, I found the object, the task isn’t finished until I get it to the person, better just run for it!
I feel like I live in a world of in betweens. Obviously, I was born into Girl Land, but I wasn’t given the handbook for how to Girl in the World. While I also do not have the Guy Handbook, I feel like I’ve stumbled in there more times & find myself siding more with guys. Though this has gotten me into trouble before. Like I have a good attitude about things, but since it’s coming from Miss Vagina it’s not working.
Some girls I knew wanted to fuck with this guy. They thought he was a loser & they wanted to lull him into a false sense of security by flirting with him & making him think he had a chance. Then eviserating him. I thought this was a total bitch move & they practically hissed at me in rejection when I said it wasn’t cool.
They didn’t know him. He didn’t seem like a creepster or a jerk. He was just minding his own damn business. So, I left as I wasn’t havin’ any part of this & on my way out I gave him some ammunition. Because I couldn’t just leave him a sitting duck.
“Hey man, those girls over there are plannin’ on makin’ a fool outta you. Just thought you should have a heads up.”
You would have thought I was naked & painted in gold & offering myself to him the way he looked at me. Like some Goddess. Do girls not help guys out? He didn’t seem like the kind of guy that couldn’t talk to girls or would be surprised one would talk to him. No, it was that I was helping him.
I’da done that for anyone. No matter what gender or colour, in the same position. I’m not special. It’s not that I thought he was cute. It was just fucking mean. It felt rude to leave him to get side-swiped like that. Wouldn’t a typical guy do this for a fellow guy? Like if some girls he knew were being bitches & he’s all, “I’m out.” wouldn’t he give the guy a heads up?
There’s a lot of things I don’t understand about Girl Land. One came to mind because someone recently put up some .gif of an elephant slapping their trunk onto a table & it saying something about what guys bring to the table.
Well, part of me was like, “Really? It’s dick? Unless that dick can paint my house or something or dispense money, what the hell am I gonna be impressed about?!” Which, I think does & doesn’t put me in guy land. A guy, well, guys, y’all are really partial to your man junk, right? And think it’s awesome? Like as in yourself? But if you’re a straight guy, dick isn’t going to much impress you on some other guy, right?
This .gif reminded me of this girl I know. She was telling me that the guy she was seeing wasn’t really all that nice & the sex was TERRIBLE. Nothing about sexy times was anything good at all. Yet, she was staying with him because of his dick.
I couldn’t wrap my head around this. Dicks are a dime a dozen. There’s not suddenly a shortage of them. Every guy’s got one. And if she’s not going to lead him to what feels good for her (because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so wasn’t going to say anything) & she was getting absolute nothing outta the sex, what the fuck was so magical about his dick? Did it sing & dance?! Was it covered in glitter? Did it give her fancy jewelry? Tell her she was pretty? Paint by number? What the fuck?!
I really wanted to grab her shirt, shake her, & give her a few good slaps. “Snap out of it!!”.
I mean, I might could get on board, if the sex was ecstatic or even pretty good & she could lead him to other things to sexually pleasure her, but this was not the case at all. It’d be different if he was nice to her & she had feelings for him & maybe they could work out sexy times for both their pleasure, but currently it was lacking. OK.
But he was a jerk, she wasn’t going to speak up which meant the sex was NEVER going to get any better, & he sucked at sex. Was terrible at it, apparently. Then what is the fucking point?! There’s nothing there. It’s not like his dick was hittin’ the spot & everything else was worth it. No. Everything was terrible, but…! he had a dick.
You would have thought that we lived in a post apocalyptic society where women have taken over & there’s only 100 men left & out of those 100, only 5, scattered all across the globe, aren’t fucking eunuchs!
I mean, it is the future, so while dicks aren’t in any type of shortage, neither are sex toys. I don’t look ’em up, but it is 2024 & I’m sure there’s something that looks & feels like a dick that will thrust (& vibrate & knock side to side, some six speed action thing), with the push of a button, while something else does clit stimulation, gives out a cheering ovation, makes you a cup of coffee or a cocktail, & gives you a back massage at the same fucking time.
He’s got a dick.
Please.
I never heard such rubbish.
But I got off topic of the Chaotic Male Energy, because this last bit was really about how I don’t understand how girls work.
But I’ll leave with that I saw a video meme thing today where the wife is saying, “Just video of my husband welcoming the new guy to the neighbourhood.” & the two of them are having a light saber fight in the middle of the street. Hearts for eyes, y’all. Chaotic Male Energy. It’s what we all need in this world.
Lil’ Small saw some comedian recently saying something about how women live longer than men, but that women laugh way more than men. And that we’re laughing AT men. Mainly, I’m laughing with y’all & not at y’all, because y’all can be really funny & awesome.
Though Lil’ Small sent me this thing recently about this woman stepping over a broomstick & it was something that men can not do. So, her husband tries it & the guy watching the video tries it. They both landed flat on their faces. I’ll laugh at these videos, sure, but also I’m slightly horrified & amazed that there are things I take for granted that I can do easily that y’all just can not do.
Like stepping over a broom that you’re holding in the air, or getting off the floor using only your core muscles & thigh muscles, not your hands. Or how I’m always thinking that guys don’t have hips. Which, of course, is incorrect & makes me laugh, but y’alls’ hips are so… inflexible, that even with tons of yoga practice the average man can’t open his hips as easily as I can everyday. Or bending over at the hips is not easy for y’all.
That’s just crazy. So, yeah, I am going to laugh at stuff y’all can & can’t do, but from a scientific aspect I still think it’s amazing & uncanny, not that y’all are losers.
Why is this reading like a PSA on how men are awesome all of a sudden? Everyone’s awesome & everyone’s stupid. We’re human (or are we? I’m not so certain about myself). But yeah, Chaotic Male Energy & I need to just stop bangin’ out my thoughts on this because they’re startin’ to go nowhere. Real quick.
Alien Tea Shoppe 